


Like dogs.

by varenoea2



Category: Jeeves & Wooster, Jeeves - P. G. Wodehouse
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 22:30:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/892648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/varenoea2/pseuds/varenoea2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bertie and Jeeves are, coincidentally, stuck with Bartholomew and MacIntosh at the same time. What happens next - they never saw it coming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like dogs.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the characters, human or dog, or the fandom. Jeeves, Wooster, MacIntosh and Bartholomew belong to PG Wodehouse.

“Well, I was a tad worried that Bartholomew would spread MacIntosh’s insides over the lawn, but just look at them playing. Sweet, isn’t it? This could be the beginning of a great friendship, Jeeves!”

“I hope you’re right, sir.”

“Frolicking and enjoying themselves like… oh, look at… hey! Mackintosh, no! You’ve got it all wrong! You can’t do that, that’s a boy! Like you! – What do you think, Jeeves, should we interfere?”

“By the look of things, sir, the situation is satisfactory to both sides.”

“Yes, but… Mackintosh is… you know…”

“I take it that this is merely a gesture of dominance in two canines of the same sex, sir.”

“It’s not even legal!”

“I should not think there will be legal consequences if the offenders are two dogs, sir.”

“Just as long as you’re sure of that. If my Aunt Agatha comes back and finds her pooch sentenced to two to three, I should have to move to China! They hang elephants nowadays, Jeeves. Elephants!”

“A regrettable habit, sir, and most impractical.”

“And what is this talk about gestures of dominance? That’s hardly a way to assert yourself. I mean to say, I may be your master, but I don’t do that with you, do I?”

“Certainly not, sir.”

“I’m sorry, Jeeves, what was that?”

“Certainly not, sir.”

“Speak up, my dear man, you’re mumbling. I mean, if I tried to assert myself over you this way, you would tell me off in no unclear terms, wouldn’t you, Jeeves?”

“Certainly not, sir.”

“Huh?”

“Ahem. Certainly, sir.”

“Something in your throat, what? The cold country air not agreeing with you?”

“Just the metaphorical frog in my throat, sir. In any case, I take it that this gesture among humans is not one of dominance and submission, but one of affection or at least carnal desire.”

“Could be, Jeeves, could be… in any case, I feel sorry for Bartholomew. Shouldn’t they at least have some Vaseline?”

“He seems to be enjoying himself, sir.”

“True. And it’s difficult to teach a dog how to use Vaseline. Oh well, Aunt Agatha need never find out about this little affair. Ah well, spring is in the air, the birds are singing, and…”

“Sir.”

“Yes, Jeeves?”

“I would like you to know that if you were to come to me with such a proposition – that is, asking to do to me what Bartholomew and Mackintosh are demonstrating here – I would not tell you off.”

“Not tell me off? Oh come, Jeeves. Your feudal spirit is going too far. This is nothing short of shocking. You would let your employers…”

“I beg your pardon, sir, but you misunderstand me. I would not do this for any of my employers, only for you, as a gesture of, as I said, affection and carnal desire.”

“Oh. Dash it, you’re making me blush, Jeeves. I never knew… well, I do now. This is suprising. I don’t even know what to say!”

“If the idea is not to your liking, sir, please forget that I suggested it.”

“It’s just… you’re this fond of the young master? Dash it, Jeeves, when I think of you in emotional turmoil, I think of you brushing down a coat vigorously. I never knew!”

“These things sometimes come as a surprise, sir.”

“They do! You’re full of surprises. Carnal desire too, eh?”

“I regret to say, I am only human.”

“Don’t regret. I’m awfully glad that you are! If you weren’t at least a bit human, you wouldn’t want me. Oh Jeeves, I want to be so frightfully good to you. Will you let me?”

“I would love to, sir, if you will have me.”

“We’ve practically been joined at the hip for so long, it will hardly make a difference, will it?”

“Sir, I believe it will make a tremendous difference.”

“Right-ho! Let’s get home – it looks like these two here are finally done. Have we got Vaseline in the flat?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then lead me to it!”

“There is nothing I would rather do, sir.”


End file.
